Coochie Coochie Coo! *Bleugh!*
Don’t you agree that sometimes things are taken just a little too far? I do. Limits are breached, and not in a good way. There are certain lines in place for a reason.
I don’t own many toys of the adult variety. I have a couple of different vibrators including a fun remote controlled one for ‘indoor use’ which was ever so much fun when we first tried it. We went on a night out with my friends and Mister would trip the switch making me giggle and jolt unnanounced. Very entertaining for us both.
I digress. Easily. Ahem.
I would probably own more if it were not for two main factors. Firstly, the cost. Some of the most wonderful looking items and best reviewed toys are almost always the most expensive *Sigh*. This leads me to the second factor which is the look of them. Some of them are hideous. I don’t like the ‘real-look’ of certain dildos – It just creeps me out to think there is a dismembered member lying in wait in my drawer. *Shudder* I know that some people do prefer this which is fair enough – the skin-like feel etcetera – but don’t get me started on some of the male sex-aids about – I know that they have a hard time anyway in finding good toys, but if I were a guy, I’m not sure I’d want to have a pair of tits randomly stuck in front of me to wank over/amongst.
Then we have the other extreme in the aesthetic department which really gets my goat. (what another lovely cliché – this time I imagine goat-nappers making me angry. How dare they nick it!)
There is a cutsyfying of sex-aids which I find utterly annoying. I’ve seen butterflies, rabbits, dolphins, caterpillers and worms – There’s even one (I think to be found reviewed in Scarlet) with a cute little smiley face on what is essentially the head of the dildo. ARGH! WHY?! Even the Rampant Rabbit has a smiley face on what is ultimately a clitoral stimulator. What am I meant to make of that? That it’s really chuffed to be there, servicing me? Anthropomorphisis to the extreme, no?
I guess some people like the cute thing. It’s a pandering to the stereotypical feminine urge to be all little girls and pigtails. Innocent ones can’t possibly want to use something called ‘Giant Goliath Monster Cock!’(TM) and so we are given ‘Dolphin Delight’ or whatever. Come on! We’re looking for a means to an end here, not something we would want to mollycoddle a toddler with. Fine, some attempt to make the thing looking nice is ok, but to take things to that level is ridiculous. I would rather not diddle myself with something that resembles a worm, thank you very much. Just too odd. Unless I have maggot fantasies. Which I don’t.
I assume that whoever designs these products must have some skewed ideas. But then, people are buying them. So I am puzzled. Yes, it’s all rather sweet to place a butterfly over your lady garden…pollination metaphors buzzing now…but when it comes down to it, to the nitty gritty, an electric toothbrush would do the same job just as well, surely?
Like I say, a means to an end, but we’re all led by the eyes. So we buy the pretty version. I know I’m prey to it, but at least I don’t go in for the animals.
Blacksilk said,
June 2, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Stop stealing my brain! Honestly, I swear, given how often you write things that fit what I think and do so much I could swear you’re my evil twin. Even more plausible given the Devon thing
Anyhoo, I was thinking just last week that I was going to have to write a post about the dreaded cutesifcation of female sex toys (so, okay, only *half* of your idea, but meh). This is largely because…. *drum roll*… I actually own one with the smiley face on. It sits just on where the frenulum would be on a real cock and the little rabbit also has a grin. Worrying. Very, very worrying. (Though, also, a fucking amazing toy. Srsly)
I don’t want happy little cartoon *things* in my ladybits! And more worryingly I shudder to think of the fact that sex toy makers seem to want, or think *we* want, our toys to be so, well, childlike. I’m 22! I want an orgasm! I don’t need to be coerced into one with bunny wabbits and aeroplane noises.
Perhaps you’re right, maybe the innocence factor does play a part. The last vestiges of this crazy idea that we’re all good girls and that no woman likes sex *really*.
Why can’t all sex toys find that sweet spot that some of them have? The embarrassingly (for the seemingly incapable designers) wide line between HR Giger and My Little Pony. Ever heard of aesthetics? I don’t want pink. I don’t want glitter. I don’t want worryingly blank smiley faces. I want to get myself off.
Very nicely written yet again, LadyP. I do very much like your thought-provoking posts, they raise some good points and make me think (also rant, but I don’t blame you for that). It’s a topic I’d really like to know more about, shame I don’t know any sex toy designers.
Beau said,
June 3, 2008 at 2:37 am
Doesn’t really matter the cost , well yes it really does, as long as you’re “happy” with it. If it’s reasonably priced (doesn’t cost an arm and a leg) then what the hell–enjoy! Have to admit the thought of a dismembered cock in me closet, while not making me want to upchuck, is a bit on the grisly side–no no not gristly. And it doesn’t have to be the size of a whale’s dong–I mean they’re 6 footers for god sakes. lol You ask: now how does he know that? Watch the Blue World old cock you’ll figure it out.. Sometimes the colours are bloody atrocious–I mean who wants a fluorescent nauseating green colour up your quim for god’s sake–Is he going spelunking and needs a posh light to illuminate your innards? Does one really want a gas-powered roto-rooter scrubbing your inner bits–I mean for god’s sake, can we get real? Ah me, all one needs to have fun in the final analysis is a serviceable vibrator that will give oodles of orgasms and let everyone have a jolly rollicking good fuck. Correct? And the bloody thingie should last more than 5 times before is pisses off and dies on one in mid-cum. Though The Beau is intrigued by certain little wanking toys that seem very fun to use and very satisfying in the end, if you take me meaning. As for cutesification–makes me want to toss into the nearest waste bin. Silly buggers. Do somewhat sane people with normal healthy, admiittedly bizarre sexual tastes (count me in on that one will you) want cuttesy toys? Ewwwww! Ooo I do like the sound of the Dolphin Delight–can one use it while snorkeling in the tub? Sounds lovely. All in all, the end justifying the means as far as sex goes–whatever knocks one’s socks off. It’s the big O after all and humankind’s search for the ultimate climbing challenge is equaled by their search for the ultimate sex toy. If so, buy a dolphin–they’re randy critters from what I hear.Oh yes bring plenty of air tanks and have a lovely.
The Beau, who now writes in the third thanks to Ms. Robinson, can now die happy knowing the ultimate is out there–with enough curiosity and uncommon stamina one can probably fuck on the summit Nanga Parbat if one so wishes–just make sure it’s a warm night and or you may have a wenching great surprise waiting for you when you have a Popsicle for a cock, old cock. ROFLMAO
Have a horny day–I am and am about to resolve that little problem with–oh yes, Sarah.
Oh yes and don’t forget to bring the ultimate sex toy of all with you. I mean some todgers don’t ever use theirs. Of course The Beau means the one in you skull, the one with two hemispheres, yer brain ya wanker.
lacestockings said,
June 3, 2008 at 12:37 pm
BS: If my vibrator looked like something from HR Giger I’d freak. His stuff scares the hell out of me! But I get your point, if you look in the Ann Summers catalogue, it’s all pink glittery stuff.
I think the best non-girly ‘normal’ vibrator out there is the rock chick. Ok, I know it comes in pink….but there’s no smiley faces or bunnies. Just an excellent piece of engineering
Also…whilst on the topic of vibrators, does anyone else agree with me that the Rampant Rabbit Wave is scary? It’s huuuuugggeeeee! Ok, it’s a feat of engineering, with the forwards and the backwards wave motion (Barry’s words…he was hypnotised by it), but I don’t think I’d ever be able to use it!
The Drinker said,
June 5, 2008 at 9:47 pm
I completely agree. The objects d’art that Lelo create are amazing to look at, even if I’ll never be able to attest to their… ahem… ability.
Maybe I can pass on yout concerns to the Scarlet Editor while I’m there?
(Oh, and hello Beau! I may have disappeared for a while and emerged under another name, but I hope you’ll drop by and visit. I miss your comments!)
xx
Beau said,
June 5, 2008 at 10:41 pm
OS! Hurrah! you be I will and I’m so happy to hear form you
Beau
ladypandorah said,
June 5, 2008 at 10:49 pm
BS – I’m in your head, stealin’ your thoughts as we speak…download 34% complete…
I totally understand where you are coming from with the coerced comment: the makers/designers/crazy people seem to have this idea that we are no way gonna buy a buzzy, phallus replacement unless it’s desensitised as such and transfigured into the absolute opposite. Like I say, a bit of prettiness is alright, but there is no need AT ALL to include the cute ickle animannymals. And as for glitter…I freak out enough when it’s on the outside world – there’s not a butterfly’s chance in Hell that I’d want glitter in me. Even if it’s all melded into the plastic. Pandorah Don’t Do Glitter.
Beau – I do love to invigorate my readers into a response, and yours was fabulous! The colours some of these things come in are abominable. Fluorescent green, pink, orange? WTF?! As to male sex-toys – There’s one out there called ‘The Fleshlight’ which is meant to be very good, but the thing about it that makes me laugh is that it’s disguised as a torch/flashlight. Women can pretend theirs are lipsticks in their handbags, now men can pretend their toys are Manly Tools that can be placed covertly in the Toolbox.
Which Ms. Robinson are we talking about? Graduate, Weakest Link or Other? teehee.
LS – At first I thought the Rabbits looked like mini gumball machines. Then they just got scarier. I don’t own one (though I wouldn’t mind seeing what all the fiss is about) Not sure I’d want a thrusty one. That’s going down automaton territory for me.
Drinker – Ahh Lelo: So very very pretty. More art that anything else. I notice Scarlet reviewed one vibrator that is spherical. Not quite sure how that’s supposed to work, personally. I still want one though. Coffee table buzzy things – good convo starter. Ahh Scarlet you’re working at! I did wonder if it was! How fab. My friend wanted to do that, with her journalism studies, but I’m not sure whether she followed it up. Must find out. Enjoy your time there!
Beau said,
June 6, 2008 at 2:30 am
Ms Robinson you should read, my dear; she i one hell of a woman: And highly intelligent and educated and in England
http://womanofexperience.blogspot.com/\
Please go and read her –you will enjoy
love
Beau