I’ll Tell You No Lies – VII
Those three little words. You know the ones. That sentence that will make your heart lurch up into your throat, give you butterflies, scare you to death – or all three of those options at once.
I find that from watching a lot of American TV (mainly the Friends episode wherein there’s the turkey on Monica’s head with the fez and the comedy giant glasses; Chandler professes his love, almost by accident, the phrase slipping out casually) that admitting one’s love for another can be a major Big Deal. Which it should, of course, as it is your heart being laid out in front of you. But it always seems too much of a big deal in those kind of programmes.
In view of this, I have one of my burning questions for you – I do hope you’ll oblige and answer and please please feel free to ask one of your own questions to me! I like the banter garnered from the comments box.
How soon have you professed love to a partner and how often do you say ‘I love you’ to your loved one?
This question I hope will be applicable to a few people. It is two-fold. How do you *know* that you’re in love and when do you communicate this verbally to your partner and after doing that, how frequently do you say it to one another?
I have spoken previously somewhere in the archives about when I first said ‘I love you’ to Mister – similar to Chandler (yes, can relate to a fictional character, ok?) it slipped out. It was early on in our relationship, during that blissful summer where I discovered what it was to tingle from the butterflies. He was dropping me home one afternoon and as I left the car I said it – ‘Love you lots, bye!’ Casual, cheerfully and completely unconsciously. As soon as I had spoken I realised what I had actually said, took stock of things and admitted to myself, that yes, I think I have actually fallen in love with this man without knowing it. I can’t be completely sure, as my memory hazes at times, but I think it happened after I had slept with him, but in the immediate few weeks following it.
Now, we say it all the time. We went through a phase of saying it probably about ten times a day. A knee-jerk reassurance perhaps, or merely the emotion wanting to be aired in the open again. Lately, we don’t say it as often as that anymore, but everyday, at least once, and always, always before we go to sleep, and after we have sex.
It it this need for emotional reassurance? I don’t like to think so. I say it and I mean it every time. Every Time. He is my world, emotionally. I not only love him, I lust for him, I need him, I want him, I worry about him, I care so much about him. Just those three words and all that is conveyed to him.
And when he says it to me – well. It floors me.
Every Time.
luckysexybella said,
June 30, 2009 at 8:56 am
i have fallen in love within days. he was one of the great loves of my love and i will always love him even though he is no longer apart of this living world.
silverarcheress said,
July 1, 2009 at 9:54 pm
I have become infatuated in days, sort of in love after months and head over heels, think my heart is going to burst with love after 7months after witnessing him dance to abba’s ‘lay your love on me’. I said it too soon but didn’t say it anywhere near enough.
hedonist said,
July 2, 2009 at 8:31 pm
I fell in love in the summer of 1980 on the beaches of newquay to a girl i later married
that summer & the next we were into each other so much the beaches may as well been empty. sadly we are no longer together but i still love the bones of that girl
Innocent Loverboy said,
July 3, 2009 at 6:57 pm
I say it at least once every day, even when there’s nobody else around to hear. And, as I’m sure you can imagine, I can fall in love very easily indeed.
Blacksilk said,
July 3, 2009 at 8:58 pm
Within a week of Fractal asking me out. We made love for the first time (and the second time, and the third time….) that night. He told me he loved me beforehand. I told him I loved him too. It was a strangely new emotion to me. I soon got to know it well
As for how often I say it? Multiple times a day. When I leave for work in the morning. Most times when I hang up the phone. During and/or after sex. Here and there as the need hits me.
x
ladypandorah said,
July 4, 2009 at 11:31 am
How interesting that we are all falling, plunging into love so (dangerously?) quickly. I didn’t get consumed by it with Mister that fast. It took me at least a month, and then, I didn’t notice it take me over. It felt natural to love this man I had before me, like breathing.
Bella – A story behind your thoughts there, thank you for being open here.
Silverarcheress – I think you probably have to love someone after witnessing that act of devotion.
Hedonist – Beaches are magical places. Especially in the Westcountry.
ILB – I do that too! Usually at nighttime, if we are apart. I wish him goodnight, tell him I love him and go to sleep; it’s almost like a mantra now.
BS – Mister gets miffed if I don’t say it if I call him from work. He thinks I am too cautious of the staff overhearing. Which may have been a little true towards the start of things, but now, I always make sure I say it. Don’t want an upset man on my hands.
LadyP x
ladypandorah said,
July 4, 2009 at 11:32 am
Also – Where are *my* questions, guys and gals?!?
Three enormous little words | Mojave Sunflower said,
July 6, 2009 at 2:42 am
[...] another blog, I saw a [...]
Miranda said,
July 6, 2009 at 7:29 pm
(Thank you for the invitation; I hope you don’t mind that I’m lazily cutting and pasting from my post.)
I’m not in position to answer the second part of the question, but as I scrolled through the comments, I saw that no one had answered the first part as I would:
I’ve never told a partner I loved them. I’ve never been in love. I’ve been in lust. I’ve been in hardcore like. I mistook my first crush for love; isn’t that what first crushes are for? But for whatever reasons, the Remover of Obstacles hasn’t yet removed the obstacles between me and the Big L. At 30 I’m hardly about to give up, but I think I’ve stopped expecting it.
ladypandorah said,
July 7, 2009 at 8:57 pm
Miranda – Welcome and thank *you* for taking me up on the invitation. Always refreshing to have an extra perspective.
‘hardcore like’ – what a great phrase! I completely understand what you mean by it.
When you least expect it…life will surprise you. Don’t ever give up.
LadyP x
Miranda said,
July 7, 2009 at 10:10 pm
I won’t give up until I know how dinner tonight goes.
At least he isn’t another blind date. *shudder*
Lilly said,
August 7, 2009 at 2:29 am
I can fall in love quickly. Is it love though, if it fades, if it ends, if it can turn fickle? I don’t know. Of my current new love, and also the one I’m trying to get over (R) I think it often throughout the day – very often. But I don’t say it. I can’t. We shouldn’t.
Of my longtime partner, we say it often – before bed, upon parting. Its no longer fraught with emotional undertones though.
ladypandorah said,
August 7, 2009 at 11:19 pm
Miranda – I hope that your dinner date went well.
Lilly – Welcome! Nice to see you over here
Love is undefinable. If you feel so utterly lost in it when you experience it, if that person is your whole world when you are with them, when you are without them, then maybe it is love. Or obsession.
But what, really, is the difference between obsession and love?
LadyP xx